I knew when I adopted my kids that they had baggage. I try not to dwell on it or bring it up to them in anger or frustration. I try to respect my children and their privacy. I lost my battle with self control today and Lightning got an ear full. It seems just when we think we are actually getting somewhere with him he hits us hard with everything he's got. The defiance, the fits, the playing the victim. I feel some days like I am pounding my head on the proverbial wall and that no matter what I do, I can not help him heal. I know he is in my home for a purpose and that the Lord has a plan for each of us, but some days I question my self and the Lord because I am obviously not getting it either. I have been to so many parenting classes,seminars and read every book I can get my hands on to help and well...I am getting nowhere!! At least that is how it feels. I lOVE my little man and I want him to be happy. He told Layne the other night he wants me to play with him more like I do the little kids. I do one on one with him and he can only bring up what I don't do for him instead of being grateful for what he has. At the same time he is a kind tender hearted boy who has had it ROUGH !!He can bring contention to our home in an instant. I do not nor never have expected perfection from my self or my kids. All families have their moments and even days. When I have days like I had with him today though I think how can I keep this up? The same way I always do I get up the next day and begin again and pray for the best!! I think that's all any parent can do regardless of the situation!! I just hope I figure it out before it's to late!!!! This kid is smart and has soooo much potential!!
On a brighter note my fun little girls decided to lighten my load today and play house by cleaning mine. No complaints there!!! They each got rags way to wet and went to work. We almost had a few accidents but in the end almost all the yucky spots were off my floor and no other surface in my kitchen was left untouched. Thank you little munchkins!!!
I sent Lightning off to boredom Busters. A much needed break for Mom! Put the little ones down for naps waxed a client and then headed for my Sisters house to swim. Sun was not really what I needed after my long morning and when I got to my Sisters I remembered why I do not take my kiddos swimming very much. The babies HATE it. I guess if I did it more often they would get used to it so if my Sister can tolerate it, that's what I'll do.
Part of the problem is my kiddos have never had swim lessons . The logistics just do not work out. No Mommy and tot class because there are three under two. No sitting in the sun with three little ones while older ones take classes. I am just waiting until they are older.
Q-Ball wanted out of his car so bad and Miss M almost drowned in the deep end after jumping off the diving board.She has no floaties on or adult by her when she tried her stunt. The sneaky little thing. Luckily my niece chantell got to her quickly. See, the poor kid needs swimming lessons. After my little scare today I will MAKE it work next summer and ALL my kids get lessons somehow!!
I called Layne after a good crying fit today and told him what a not so calm day we had and this amazing man picked up Lightning and dinner and dressed the babies for bed and did Starfall with them. He really is the best Daddy to our brood of hooligans, and I am so grateful he is mine. Thank you, for the break. I really needed it!!!Just look at him counting to ten and keeping them entertained!
Tomorrow is Movie fun, and a busy day, and I KNOW it will be better all around!!
16 comments:
What a day! Wowzers! Atleast you have Layne! He is such an awesome guy.
BTW...you should look into semi-private swim lessons. The girl my kids go to takes them as early as 18 months, and you don't have to get in the pool with them. It is a little bit more than the cities lessons, but much more effective.
See you tomorrow at Movie fun!
WOW, I know how you feel, and all about those days!!
I am so glad that your sweet hubby is such a great guy...
Can't wait to see you tomorrow!!
And I wish I would have known about your swim lesson issues, we could have coordinated with the teacher my kids take from!!
PS...CUTE new blog!!
I had fun with the kids here today! You can bring them everyday as far as I am concerned! It will be easier when brock is here and he and chantel can watch the biggger kiddos while we tend to the little ones.
I am sorry about lightning! Just keep praying for guidance. Lightning is probably going to use that on you for some time. He is angry inside and dosnt know how to deal with it and takes it out on you because you are the grown up.(Just some of my thoughts that mean nothing) Maybe you should have kirts aunt H. do a session with him and see what happens. (just an idea i had)
Sorry this is soo long!
I really did have fun! thanks for coming over! love the new look:)
ps: you can use my pool for swimming lessons!!!
yup! go private for a session for each of them, it may kill your budget, BUT you'd feel better about it. my lady does a 10 minute drown proofing. or the little's could all do a class together with her. wait until after school starts. do a drown proofing, and tiny kids class, and you'd feel safer. swimming with little kids is not fun! i hated it. always worrying who's gonna drown while i'm holding a baby, you could get the life vests for the bigger girls. that they can't take off. or the floaty swimsuits work too. not as cute as a real swim suit. but safety is more important than fashion with that many babies around.
Hugs, i have those days,
and those issues with my kids i have been the only mother they have ever had. it's that age too. mine the same age comes up with that crap. and really it's hard to wrestle and hold big kids when you have so many babies around. and it looks so fun when you play with them , they feel like they are missing out on something, when it really isn't that fun. maybe i'm way off, but just know that my kids do that to me too.
whoohoo for movie fun, see ya tomorrow! i've never seen this one, and i don't own it. so it would be exciting to go see.
i can't imagine the things you have to deal with...hopefully tomorrow will be better.
good luck with the swimming ;)
ps: love your new look
Very cute new blog look! I love the doctored up pics of the kids, with just a tiny bit of color to them.
So so sorry for what you are going through with your boy. You are doing great. You are concerned, and trying to develop a solution...I'm sure that what you are doing has to be 100% better than the situation he was in, and I know nothing about his history! He'll get through it with your love and help.
It is hard trying to deal with kids that have gone through not fun times. My oldest watched her mom waste away and die from cancer. She was only four. The only thing she remembers is a sick mom. We have, and still do, have our very rough times, although I am sure you have more issues than that to deal with. Just remember that you are doing the best you can. You have the right perspective...parenting is never perfect, we are all learning as we go. Hang in there! :)
I am glad you remind us of the struggle you have. You two are the miracles in these kids' lives (kids who have already gone through SO much). Sometimes blogs can make life seem so "perfect" we forget what a challenge it really it is. And that is putting it mildly.
I wish I had some wonderful advice to give you or something along the lines of "I know what you are going through or I have been there"
but I don't have any and I haven't ever gone through this. All I can say is Heavenly Father never gives us more than we can handle although at times it feels like it.
I like what the previous comment said about the two of you being miracles in these childrens lifes, I %100 agree and what a wonderful husband you have to know when to step in and take over, you are so blessed.
As for swimming lessons, we just finished up with Preston, someone came over to Jens Mom's house and taught him and Corbin at the same time and Preston went from almost drowning a month ago to jumping off the diving board and swimming to the side all by himself. I feel so much better about letting him swim, now I just need to work on the 2yr. old.
Oh just look at Q-Ball's face!
Sorry you were having such a bad day. You are an amazing mom to these sweet little kids. I'm sure it feels like you're getting nowhere some days, but I know there's a bigger picture that none of us can see, and you're helping Lightning's "bigger picture". Even if you don't feel it now. The things you do every day are helping him. Just hang in there. Seriously I wished I lived closer to you so I could help you out with them. They are so adorable! I would love to have them hang out at my house.
First of all, darling new blog look & song. Love it.
I am so sorry that things are feeling like they are getting nowhere. But I'm pretty sure that they are. Just keep at it, that's all anyone can do. You are a great example of a mom. Cut yourself some slack. Hang in there.
Frustrating day! Good thing you have excellent backup! You are an amazing mom and these kids are all with you for a reason. Hope things get better with Lightning.
Wow! I totally understand you on the little man...I am right there with you! It's so hard to be the mommy at times....yet I know that is what they need 100% no matter how hard it is....you are doing great and he will be forever greatful for the wonderful mom you are to him!
Thank you for this post. I went back through all your posts, looking for one like this. I needed to read what you wrote about Lightning. :)
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