You Know,

I tried to make a smile list this week, but well, I couldn't. I did have things that made me smile. Bunko, a visit from a sweet friend from Utah and getting to go to lunch with that friend and two other great friends.

(I guess two things do actually make a list)

Any ways, I would be lieing if I said the rest of my week was great.

I have been struggling lately to keep my head above water. I rarely cry and this week my kids have seen quite a few Mommy meltdowns. The ugly cry had nothing on me. It was down right horrific. Yep ,the horrific cry, and even better my Lightning made fun of me and imitated my horrible display of emotions when I had pulled out of it.

I have no problem with crying, in fact, if it's a sad movie or some one else's issue, I can cry easily. When it's the struggles of my every day life, the faucet is usually screwed tight. I have tried to pin point why my patience is so thin and why I can't seem to cope. I decided there really was no good reason except life is hard some times, and I am completely drained. Yep my well is dry and I have had no chance to refill it. I have officially run my self into the ground. The sad thing is, as a Mom that vacation from real life never comes. The kids keep pestering, the laundry piles up, the dinner still has to be made,the diapers changed, the mess's cleaned up, the Dr's appt's kept, the meetings attended,the home work done, etc, etc,!!!! You know the drill. Wild thing has had a really hard time this last week since his 4Th visit to some kind of Dr. happened this week. It could not have been the three people it took to pin him down at the urgent care and glue his head back together. That's never traumatizing for little people, especially him!! (insert huge amounts of sarcasm) I feel like all the progress I made is gone. That alone could make a girl cry. He will hardly let me out of his sight. So things I can usually accomplish early in the day have to wait until nap time or bedtime. The two times of day that are usually mine to recover and rest and maybe even blog. It's taken all I can muster not to get angry with the poor guy. I have to dig deep down and remember all the tricks I have been taught to help pull him out of his horrendous fits.I finally got a break from him today. It was amazing how much it helped. I took all the kids but him to my parents for some G-Ma and G-Pa time. The great thing is, the kids played so well by themselves that I got to chill and chat with my parents with few interruptions. It was sooooooo nice:)

Everyone has taken their que from Mom, and throwing fits has been a theme at our house this week. Sissy was throwing a fit on her way to her room to "find her smile" and biffed it face first on to the floor with only a thin rug for padding.

It was a bloody mess (literally, I am not cursing) and at first I thought she had broken her nose. I cried so hard after this was over that. It trumped all other emotional outburts for the month!! I feel so GUILTY.... I know I did not push her or make her do it, but dang, I am the one who sent her to her room. Who knew it would be so dangerous? I can't stand my little ones getting hurt. I am pretty sure this will look worse in the morning. How can you not get a bruise or two from face planting yourself on a tile floor? Her lip is so big you can't even see her teeth.

Oh, next week has got to be better!!!!! I did get to listen to conference, and I do feel like I learned a lot and can try to do better every day. Hey, Thanks for listenening, sometimes a girl just has to get it off he chest in order to feel better.

RAMBLINGS OF A CRAAAAZZY WOMAN

I am going crazy and am ready to pull my hair out.!!!!!!!!School can not start fast enough for me!! Why do I feel so much guilt admitting that?? I keep checking blogs with the school tickers happening and getting more excited every day. I love all these little urchins of mine, but they are climbing the walls and driving me mad. I have got absolutely nothing done. It is tttoooo HOT to do anything and I have spent enough money this summer trying to keep them busy that I refuse to spend any more. I am afraid that if I do I may loose my happy home! We have two Birthdays and our anniversary coming up and Christmas is just around the corner. It's time to save not spend. They are so bored and we have become hold up in our house. I did get out last night and came home to a surprise visit from the Bishopric. They had two callings for me, not just one. What is this about?? I was feeling guilty a while back for asking to be released from the YW Presidency. I am grateful though they are both relatively easy callings and do not take me away from home and can be done with my sanity intact. YEAH for that!! Baby H has an ear infection and grabs her ear and let's me know it hurts. Her crying never stops and I am tired of the interrupted nap time because she does not feel good. The constant need to be held. Poor kid, at first I just thought she was mad because I took her Binki away for good. It a sad day when you clean your whole house and you mop the floors only to have the hubby look at it only six hours later and say how badly the floor needs mopped. I don't get mad at these comments, He's right it needed it AGAIN!! My kids are on each others nerves and into everything. It's one mess after another. I had to go out to tim-buck-two tonight to take a Birthday present to Sissy's Bio Brother and it has sent my allergies into overdrive. They live by the Mountain and Ironwood and have no grass, the kids love it outside. My allergies love the dust. Not to mention the stress and Drama her case is. I am so excited to see the older kids off to school. It is only two hours at a time most days for Sissy and Miss M but it will break the monotony for them and give me a little break and some more one on one with my babies. I really think my little Wild Thing would calm down if he could get a little more of my undivided attention. WHEW I feel much better now!!!

SERIOUSLY PEOPLE!!!!

I just need to vent. We all do sometimes. Just a few things I wish I did not have to deal with some days...

1. Q-Ball grabbing a hold of the bars on his crib and shaking it until he has woken everyone else up or at least got my attention.The crib hits the walls pretty hard and makes a nice big thud that can be heard by all! He has been doing this in the morning and after naps for about a week now. This has got to SSSSSSSTOP!!! Yes, poor kid is in a pink room until the Bunk beds I ordered which are on back order come in.

2. Q-Ball pulling his binki off of his clothes and tossing it behind the crib over and over again at nap time. He gets mad that it is gone after a few minutes and screams for me to find it. Dude, this Mom is no dummy and if you keep it up you must not really need the dumb thing and you can learn to cry it out with out a nice little soothing friend in your mouth. Not to mention I have to move the crib to get to the binkis because why would we drop them in front of the crib where it would be easy for Mom to get them??

3. Strangers in public who should think before they speak. Ever heard of inner monologue? I am at Target this morning and we always do a potty stop before shopping. I have two carts because I have a lot of little ones. We are at the point of hand washing and a lady comes into the rest room. I usually use the family one but this target did not have one. Smiley is sitting in the back of the cart and being his usual loud funny self. She enters very dramatically and slowly, and says "WELL... I was NOT expecting this!!!" I said, "Look lady neither were we!" I quickly gathered my kids and left. I usually let this crap roll off my back but sometimes people just hit my last nerve. So a little while later in the same store a lady is trying to get by and I have to shoo a few kids out of her way and she looks at me and says "How many kids DOOO you have?" I wanted to say count for yourself, but instead I said "six fun fabulous kiddos" and went on my way. Some times I want to ask if they are aware that Target is a public place and you can expect to find other people there so if you don't like others and kids go late at night and keep your thoughts to yourself!!

4. Sissy thinking quiet time only last ten minutes and then we can come begging for a snack even though we just finished our lunch. This Mom needs a BREAK, if you want me to be kind and sane from three to bed time.

I guess I must be a little tired today and the silly things are really bugging me!!!