How I do it, Part 5

Discipline:
 Ok, to be honest I have put this one off. I have genuinely been super busy and have thought a lot about it. I have started this post and scratched the idea a few times. This can be such a heated topic. I have found that most people have very set ideas on parenting and often judge others on their parenting skills or lack of. I know I have been judged for mine.I am not a perfect parent.I certainly did not want to come across as a know it all or be hypocritical in any way. My husband and I were not parents one minute and then the phone rang and the next minute we were. Instant parents of a one year old and a five year old with big issues. We went from zero kids to 3 in 3 months, and then all the way to 6 kiddos in 2.5 years. Number 7 and 8 came later. Talk about your parental baptism by fire. Every single one of our kids came with baggage some huge, some super small. The issues my children came with range from severe child abuse to abandonment. They run the gamment. All but 3 of my children were drug exposed in utero. 
 Maybe my take on discipline is more harsh strict than some. I have read so many blogs, some Moms spank and some Moms think spanking will send you on a fast trip to hell. Those non spanking Moms often talk about how much they yell. That can be abusive too, and just as damaging as a spanking can. Not all abuse is physical.I have struggled to find a system, a method that has checks and balances. One that fits the needs of my diverse family. One that works according to the dictates of my conscience and no one elses. One thing I am really good at most of the time is not giving a rats patoot what others think of me. I guess what I am saying is I am not easily offended especially when I know most people who pass judgment do not know me or enough about my situation. I think it is safe to say that none of us really knows what goes on behind the scenes in anyones home. My great friend made a good point the other day. She said, and I am paraphrasing, that for those parents who judge strict parents of young children with out all the info they are the same who might also say one day,  "that kid would have turned out better if you would have put your foot down and done your job." my friend is RIGHT!!
 So with all that said, here it what works for us.
 Know each kids currency.
 Every day is a new beginning.
 Always let them know above all that you love them no matter what.
 Be consistent!
 Treat them as individuals and raise them as individuals. What works for one may not work for another.
 Find a system or systems that work for you.
We love 123 Magic.  Our good friends told us about it and we have used it ever since. This system is mainly used to stop behaviors that you do not like. If your kid argues give them till three and remove them from the situation. If they are not listening give them to three. Warn them of the consequence at one and be quick about it. It works like magic, it really does. My kids hate it. When all else fails, this works....I think it's because you can not argue with numbers and because we are consistent. If I get to three you better look out, there is no going back.
We also use Love and Logic.
I believe in giving a child the chance to make the right choice. Most of the time they know what is right and wrong they just need a kind nudge in the right direction. For instance, "Take out the trash or go to your room, what do you choose?" Empower them. Some times it is not about getting them to do something sometimes it is about letting them feel in control of their choices. This builds confidence. What end of the bed do you want to sleep on? Which friends house do you want to play at today? Let them make decisions you are comfortable with by guiding their options.
Check out their sites. It is well worth your time.
I believe in natural consequences. Let the punishment fit the crime.
I will be honest, I do not sugar coat life for my kids. I do not believe that helps them in any way.  I believe I am honest with them and age appropriate. As parents Mr. M. and I try to instill the knowledge, values, and tools they will need  in life to help them make the right choice when confronted with decisions. My parents did that for me and I will always be grateful. My parents also raised us as individuals.Isn't it really just a juggling act and how well we handle the situations that arise depends on our mood, the offense or task needing to be done, the mood of the child, and the parenting tools we have armed ourselves with.
Do I loose my cool? More than I should. When I loose my cool I have to step away. I have parked my car and given my self a time out. This teaches your kids by example how to cope when angry. Sure wish I did this every time.I get up every day and try to be a better parent than I was yesterday. I succeed some days, and some days I am a miserable failure. I apologize when I am wrong. I think it is very important that our kids know we are human and we make mistakes too. I think they need to  know we value them enough as a human beings to admit when we have crossed the line. Some parents look at their kids as little adults as we learned through 123 Magic that always clouds our judgment. I have to remind myself of this all the time. Above all they need to be loved and I think a huge way we show our kids we love them is by not letting them get away with what we know is wrong. They are in our care, each child a sweet gift from a loving Heavenly Father who expects nothing less than the best we can give.