You Know,

I tried to make a smile list this week, but well, I couldn't. I did have things that made me smile. Bunko, a visit from a sweet friend from Utah and getting to go to lunch with that friend and two other great friends.

(I guess two things do actually make a list)

Any ways, I would be lieing if I said the rest of my week was great.

I have been struggling lately to keep my head above water. I rarely cry and this week my kids have seen quite a few Mommy meltdowns. The ugly cry had nothing on me. It was down right horrific. Yep ,the horrific cry, and even better my Lightning made fun of me and imitated my horrible display of emotions when I had pulled out of it.

I have no problem with crying, in fact, if it's a sad movie or some one else's issue, I can cry easily. When it's the struggles of my every day life, the faucet is usually screwed tight. I have tried to pin point why my patience is so thin and why I can't seem to cope. I decided there really was no good reason except life is hard some times, and I am completely drained. Yep my well is dry and I have had no chance to refill it. I have officially run my self into the ground. The sad thing is, as a Mom that vacation from real life never comes. The kids keep pestering, the laundry piles up, the dinner still has to be made,the diapers changed, the mess's cleaned up, the Dr's appt's kept, the meetings attended,the home work done, etc, etc,!!!! You know the drill. Wild thing has had a really hard time this last week since his 4Th visit to some kind of Dr. happened this week. It could not have been the three people it took to pin him down at the urgent care and glue his head back together. That's never traumatizing for little people, especially him!! (insert huge amounts of sarcasm) I feel like all the progress I made is gone. That alone could make a girl cry. He will hardly let me out of his sight. So things I can usually accomplish early in the day have to wait until nap time or bedtime. The two times of day that are usually mine to recover and rest and maybe even blog. It's taken all I can muster not to get angry with the poor guy. I have to dig deep down and remember all the tricks I have been taught to help pull him out of his horrendous fits.I finally got a break from him today. It was amazing how much it helped. I took all the kids but him to my parents for some G-Ma and G-Pa time. The great thing is, the kids played so well by themselves that I got to chill and chat with my parents with few interruptions. It was sooooooo nice:)

Everyone has taken their que from Mom, and throwing fits has been a theme at our house this week. Sissy was throwing a fit on her way to her room to "find her smile" and biffed it face first on to the floor with only a thin rug for padding.

It was a bloody mess (literally, I am not cursing) and at first I thought she had broken her nose. I cried so hard after this was over that. It trumped all other emotional outburts for the month!! I feel so GUILTY.... I know I did not push her or make her do it, but dang, I am the one who sent her to her room. Who knew it would be so dangerous? I can't stand my little ones getting hurt. I am pretty sure this will look worse in the morning. How can you not get a bruise or two from face planting yourself on a tile floor? Her lip is so big you can't even see her teeth.

Oh, next week has got to be better!!!!! I did get to listen to conference, and I do feel like I learned a lot and can try to do better every day. Hey, Thanks for listenening, sometimes a girl just has to get it off he chest in order to feel better.