Because the events of the evening keep repeating themselves in my mind. I love my Sissy with all my heart. I can not imagine loving my kids any more if I had given birth to them. All of our kids come as strangers and as we serve them we get to know them and grow to love them in an instant. This girl stole my heart from the second I opened the door. She was dressed in odd over sized clothing and had the look of fear on her beautiful face. She was barely twelve months old and didn't walk yet. She was chubby and just plain adorable. The memory keeps coming back to me as I contemplate the plan of our Heavenly Father. We went to a Halloween party tonight which was in essence Sissy's final visit with her Bio siblings and Mom for at least a year. We have agreed to one a year as long as it is in her best interest. It was heartbreaking to watch her Bio Mom say goodbye. I buckled sissy in and shut the car door when I turned around her Bio Mom hugged me hard and could not let go. She asked me "please just take care of her?" She had a hard time letting go as if I were Sissy and she just couldn't do it. In my heart I know it's the right thing for Sissy. I know this is Heavenly Fathers will and his plan for her. I know she would not be ok being raised in the circumstances that are her Bio Moms. I know these things and yet I can not stop crying. My heart brakes for any Mother who for whatever reason or circumstance has to loose or leave a child. I know her history and some of what has led her to make her choices right or wrong and it is not my place to judge, but I have been given the responsibility to raise and protect this sweet Daughter of God. Knowing our kind Heavenly Father has a plan for each of his children helps me feel at peace through these hard times and right now I could not be more grateful for my knowledge of it.
Saturday, November 1, 2008
I'M STILL AWAKE
Because the events of the evening keep repeating themselves in my mind. I love my Sissy with all my heart. I can not imagine loving my kids any more if I had given birth to them. All of our kids come as strangers and as we serve them we get to know them and grow to love them in an instant. This girl stole my heart from the second I opened the door. She was dressed in odd over sized clothing and had the look of fear on her beautiful face. She was barely twelve months old and didn't walk yet. She was chubby and just plain adorable. The memory keeps coming back to me as I contemplate the plan of our Heavenly Father. We went to a Halloween party tonight which was in essence Sissy's final visit with her Bio siblings and Mom for at least a year. We have agreed to one a year as long as it is in her best interest. It was heartbreaking to watch her Bio Mom say goodbye. I buckled sissy in and shut the car door when I turned around her Bio Mom hugged me hard and could not let go. She asked me "please just take care of her?" She had a hard time letting go as if I were Sissy and she just couldn't do it. In my heart I know it's the right thing for Sissy. I know this is Heavenly Fathers will and his plan for her. I know she would not be ok being raised in the circumstances that are her Bio Moms. I know these things and yet I can not stop crying. My heart brakes for any Mother who for whatever reason or circumstance has to loose or leave a child. I know her history and some of what has led her to make her choices right or wrong and it is not my place to judge, but I have been given the responsibility to raise and protect this sweet Daughter of God. Knowing our kind Heavenly Father has a plan for each of his children helps me feel at peace through these hard times and right now I could not be more grateful for my knowledge of it.
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8 comments:
Wow! I am crying now! How beautiful that you are so strong to do this....it breaks my heart for this mom as well and I can't imagine being in her situation. This little girl is so lucky to have you in her life here on earth and through eternity! Hugs!
Beautifully written. It is amazing how the Lord works isn't it? This sweet little girl had to take the round-about way to get to your family, but it is happening. I'm sorry for your heartache, but also happy for your addition and Sissy's chance at an awesome life.
SO hard! she is such a cutie.
you are so awesome to face this bio mom and understand her story. and love her daughter and do the best you can for her. AWESOME! but hard.
cute cute picture.
My heart breaks for the bio mom too, but I am so so happy for you and for Sissy. She does belong in your family, that's for sure. I am amazed at the children that Heavenly Father has given you. I know it hasn't been easy to go through all you've gone through. The thoughts "I never said it would be easy, only that it would be worth it" went through my mind as I read this. You're living example of that.
My heart goes out to the bio mom as well, it had to be the hardest things she has ever faced.
However, she had to know in her heart that she could not give to her what you, your husband and the rest of your family can give that little girl!
I think you set an amazing example!
The world needs more wonderful, caring,serving people like you and your husband. A mother once told me, "The day's are long and the years are short"
My babies are grown, enjoy everyday the Lord gives you with those special children, it goes by quick. You are such a blessing to them. I couldn't help but leave a comment. Hope you don't mind.
God Bless you and your family.
i can't imagine how that must have felt. you are an amazing person and you are doing what is right for your sweet little girl.
May the Lord continue to bless your heart and your family with the peace you need to know that what you are doing is providing blessings not only to you, but to many generations to come. The Eternities are smiling down on you for all your efforts each and every day!
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