when I got married five years ago that my life would play out at it has. I never imagined I would deal with infertility and the gamut of emotions that come with it.I never imagined six kids in 2 1/2 years. I look back now and remind my self daily that the Lord does not give us more than we can handle. Some days I feel very strongly the urge to give into why me? Why me, for so many reasons. Why am I one of the ones chosen for this particular trial knowing that I probably volunteered. Why when onehm suggested Foster/Adopt did we feel so strongly about it? Why the failed infertility treatments and heartache that accompanies it? Why these particular kids at my house? Why are the words adoption, case worker, bio parent, and court a part of my family vocabulary on a regular basis? Why the little 18 month old that is such a tuff kid that I end up in tears by end of the day at least twice a week from sheer exhaustion? What am I learning from these experiences? I think as I have sat and talked this week with a bio parent and lawyers and case workers and heard the excitement in Sissy's voice as she tells people she gets to go to the temple and sings her favorite song I Love To See The Temple...I know WHY!!!! I know the Savior has a plan for each of us. I know these kids were meant to be ours even if it means I have to share them more than my selfish self wants to.Even if it means suffering through long unsure cases and set back after setback.I know my family as insane as it may be is just how it should be and I know I don't want it any other way! There are parts of infertility I still need to come to terms with but I know I will with time. Parenting these kids is hard and I feel the refiners fire as I try every day to be more kind and more patient. I don't do so well all the time and I kick myself harder than anyone else could. My life is greater and harder than I could have ever imagined and I am learning and loving. I am learning to cope with the ups and downs as I love these beautiful children Heavenly Father placed in my care. I have learned it does not matter how they get here just what I do with the trust my Heavenly Father has placed in me and Layne as their earthly parents. I know the responsibility is mine and I am so grateful for it.
13 comments:
you guys have done a great job..
we are planning to adopt one from tonga when we are done..
i am amazed by you! you inspire me (that sounds corny) but it is true. the things you do for your kids is amazing. they are truly blessed to be with you. i seriously admire you, all the things you have gone through and are still going through.
it is hard to remember that heavenly father doesn't give us more than we can handle.
i think you are awesome and just so you know i cry at the end of alot of days too. not that i deal with half the things you do, but things can definitely be overwhelmng. hang in there. see you friday :)
This is such a great post. I admire you and respect you so much. I know the infertility is hard. It's hard to see unwed mothers having babies, and drug moms, and wonder why you aren't. You are a wonderful mom and these kids are so blessed to have you. I seriously don't know if I could do what you do. Heavenly Father knew what he was doing when he placed these kids with you.
Currently crying! What a beautiful post....and what lucky kiddos. I totally understand the trials thing...though mine are different than yours it still involves my kiddos and I wouldn't change it for anything because I know I probably chose this path as well long before I knew I could. I am so greatful for the knowledge we have of eternal families....I don't know how people can survive without such knowledge! You are a wonderful mom and always remember that! I look up to you so much....thanks for your friendship
Great post!! I can't imagine doing all that you do! I don't know if I could have come out of that trial and still be able to see the positive in stuff, thanks for the wonderful reminder that alll this is part of a plan meant to give us ultimate happiness and teach us valuable lessons along the way.
What a beautiful post! You KNOW that I totally know what you are going through, and I have to say that you are one of the VERY BEST parents I know. You are awesome. I am so excited for you and Sissy. She's MEANT to be yours!!!
I love how you posted your words here, truly from the heart! I respect and admire you immensely...you are an amazing mom!
You are amazing! I am very thankful to have you for a sister! I can see how Heavely Father has Prepared you for these wonderful children of HIs to come into your life! They are yours no matter how they got there! I go through the same emotions with with my kids as you do! Thanks for this post!
I don't know what you are going through entirely, BUT...I understand out 1/3 of it. Seriously, You are amazing, incredible, and inspiring. And just the RIGHT person for those kids. God bless you!
And there is no one who can do a better job than you! You are simply amazing!
Jamie, you have always been one that I;ve looked up to. Ever since you picked up that wierd little tool and said, " this is a 104." Yep! You are amazing and those kids get to learn from the walking encyclopedia! How blessed they are to be taken out of heaven knows what enviroment and placed w/ you and goober Layne. I love it! Heavenly Father knows what's up. Can I say that?
Why? Because that is the life you and Layne both chose in the Pre-Existence. I am a firm believer of that. He knew who could and couldn't handle what we go through and planned things accordingly. You are an AMAZING mom and an Inspiration to all of us. I love you and love to hear all the ups and downs in your home. Keep on truckin'!
I found your blog through Tanja. I have to say when I read these, it brought me to tears. What a wonderful reminder of why we as mom's go through what we do to have our sweet little ones and why we have the one we have in our family. Thanks you for sharing your thoughts.
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